I am an "only child," an heterosexual single male without brothers or sisters, now somewhat alone due to the recent death of my mother - 9 years after my sweet Dad. To add insult to injury, Mom died in a hospice on my birthday, at my exact time of birth.
Perhaps I should have been better prepared for this sad and life-changing event, but I was not. Somehow I always felt that God would never take my last parent from me until I was completely on my own two feet emotionally and financially.
You see, in many ways my life (although I am a smart and Master-degreed Christian) has been a mess. There is a practical side and a love side to all of this.
Nonetheless, after 10 weeks in ICUs, Step-downs, Regular Hospital Rooms, and then Rehab - this dear woman that had made a remarkable comeback from unconsciousness to being almost totally well - was neglected and made a vegetable by a combination of rehab personnel, an ambulance service, and a hospital emergency room.
They attempted to put a tube down het throat, during a cardiac incident, when a trake was already there *(but had been unnecessary for weeks). In fact, she had been eating, drinking and speaking until the incident.
After about 7 weeks of then being in a sad and upsetting vegetative state, their evil deed was completed, death came - the murder was complete. P*wder S*rings Rehab/P*ckett Amb*lance/W*llStar 1, Mom 0. They had tried to convince us to let her die months earlier, prior to a simple surgery (our own suggestion) that made her just fine. (Doctors, many nurses, and most hospitals simply no longer give a damn about patients - it is a business; profits are to be maximized by treating patients for optimal times.)
Life after Mother is not easy. I am often sad and mad and sometimes really feel had. Still, after her death, I found that I was unexpectedly taken-care of (all the expenses and things) for a while - and better than I would have figured. My mother surely loved her son. However, seven months later, reality has arrived. It is time to man-up. I fear her and dad are looking down and feeling awful for me. (I think way too much.)
Being a writer and sentimental sort, hardly an hour goes by without thoughts of my late Dad and Mom crossing and dominating my mind. This sadness, added to the ongong chores of everyday life and a career, can be overwhelming. Still, no matter what situation I am in ( horrid or okay) God is faithful to provide care - if only I will acknowledge Him and accept it. That is often easier said than done.
We were a dysfunctial lot, my parents and I, as I moved back home 20 years ago during my Dad's disability, Mom's retirement, and my attendance of Grad School at GSU in Atlanta. We were closer than close; great at the time - but a cause for more extensive pain in the end. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction....
The point of this blog piece is this: DO NOT GIVE-UP. If I can strive and try, you can too. If you are facing a great loss or losses, do not try and figure it all out or God's motives - just accept what has happened and do your best to lean on Him for guidance and support. (Having relatives 1 - 30 hours away is also a blessing; my folks would be proud of their actions during the illnesses and immediately following each's death. Roomate Cindy is also a source of peace and calm amid the storm.)
We see but a small picture at once, God knows all and sees all. He feels our pain, but knows what life ultimately holds for each of us. Yes, I miss my Mother and my Daddy, and I always will - but I must try and keep on living in the face of all the wrong done to us as a family..... God was watching, and still is....
Jimmy Hall is a writer from outside Atlanta, Georgia. His company, Jimmy Hall Writing Services (404-580-1501) specializes in Business Plans, Resumes, and Web Content - among other writing tasks. He is also an avid weightlifter, striving to make it to the next level.....
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