Being An Adult "Only Child"

Being an adult "only child" is not generally a great thing, but God knows what He is doing. What am I talking about? I am referring to being alone in a cruel world, after parents pass away - if the only child is not married and does not have children or grandchildren.....

From the start, the life of  an only child is different from the lives of other people, and they simply do not comprehend just how different. Socially, it is an awkward life, with social skills not developing as quickly as other kids - due to the fact that interactions are so much more limited. How?

Even having one sibling directly or indirectly brings countless hundreds of extra people into one's life, and causes someone to be around people outside of their family much more often. Also, extra family members themselves ( 1 or 2 or 4 or 12) are always around to interact and develop social skills with. 

How do I know these things? You guessed it; I am an only child myself. I have lived it. Despite the fact that I went to 2 years of kindergarten, I was still always shy right through and into adulthood, because I never had much interaction with others in my formulative years. 

You see, everything is a big deal to an only child. Ball games, services, meetings, classes, camps, EVERYTHING AT ALL. Why? Because these activities are at the time the whole world to someone without siblings - and to the only child everything on earth seems to revolve around them - because everything in their own family does.

In my own case, even being near the opposite sex was a huge deal prior to about age 17. How so? I never had brothers and sisters to have friends and acquaintances around the house or elsewhere for me to be socially involved with. Fortunately, I looked halfway decent and had pretty good friends, so I could eventually have some of the circumstances to polish my skills. Still, I was like bait in a pond, at first, just hoping a girl would want me! I was years behind my peers.

After about age 15 or 16 (drinking age was 18 then) I found myself using beer or wine to reduce my shyness and assist in meeting girls. Unfortunately, it actually worked most of the time - and I found that I was well able to hold my own with women around town and in bars and lounges and clubs around Atlanta. 

However, this person presenting himself was "Drinking Jimmy." The guy drinking is not the real guy, as much as he would like to be! Many women later would not like "Sober Jimmy," so we both had wasted our time on numerous occasions, and I was no better on my own at anything!

At any rate, after selling life insurance on an agency debit (being forced to make presentations to men and women, and often women without their mates or boyfriends around) and drinking enough for a number of years, I did get better at social skills - even sometimes when not drinking. However, I still never found the woman to walk down the aisle with, and thus have never had a wife or kids - not even after becoming a true Christian. Now to the point of the blog piece...

So, as the natural course of life comes about, this single only child was then dealt his worst lifelong fears. A parent (Father) died, and I had no sibling(s) to relate with through the grief process. There was then the added sadness of what mother was going through, on my shoulders. Next, years later, my Mother died, and I really became alone. It was total devastation. I was shattered.

The nightmare I had dreaded my entire life is now a reality. It is a battle on every front being alone, from missing the love of parents to the lost financial teamwork. It is hard, and it is a sad time.

Ever since the year 1972 when the classic hit song, "Alone Again, Naturally," (by Gilbert O' Sullivan) came out - I knew the guy in that song would one day be me - and it is.... As the greatest motivational experts all say: Fears also come true, if they take the place of positive aspirations.

My advice now to other "only children" and "adult only children" is to make many, many friends, cherish your living parents, prepare for the future in all ways (especially financially), and be the type of person you would want your own cousin to marry - so that you will be married and have a family before that awful day comes when your parents are gone.....

~ Jimmy Hall owns Jimmy Hall Writing Services (404-580-1501) and writes webwork/web content, business plans, resumes, and most other types of professional writing...